2 Months

Yesturday Grandma has been gone for 2 months........I thought with time, it would get easier but it seems to get harder and harder every day. Today is the 8th of the month, My mom and I always took Grandma shopping on the 8th of every month. I just so badly want to call her and hear her voice!!! I just want to get a text from her!!

 I think of her all the time. So much has happened since she went to heaven. I got a new job. I think honestly that was one of the hardest times without her because when I got a new job I would call her and tell her and tell her all about the job, and we would go out to lunch to celebrate and she would always ask me how my job was going every time I talked to her. 

In the summer time we would always call her to make sure she had her A/C on during the hot days, and always go and check on her to make sure she was alright. I would always call my car grandma's car too because every time we took her someplace it would be in my car, so I told her it could be her car too! As a joke when the car was dirty, I would say Grandma, we need to go and get our car washed, it's dirty!! Today I washed my car and it made me smile remembering that joke.

One of the things I have been thinking about the last few days is, When we beat the ambulance transporting her to the Hospic Care Center in Baraboo we were waiting for her to get there, and when she did I went and opend the door for them and the first thing she said was, "there is my Jackie." I will never forget that.

We have so many memories with Grandma, and even on some bad days, the good memories I have with her hurts. I was at the store the other day and I overheard a young women say, "ooo it's just Grandma calling, we can call her back." or something along those lines and I just thought to myself, I would love to hear my grandma's voice again, or get a call from her.

I know Grandma is in a better place, is with Grandpa, her parents, and her sister & brother's and all the family up there in heaven, and I know she is happy! BUT some days it gets very hard to not be selfish, and want her back, want her back here so I can see her, and take her places, and have her here with us!!

It seems to get harder and harder every day she is gone, seems like I should just go there to her apartment and she would be there! Maybe with time it will get easier. Some do say it only gets harder before it gets easier.

~sadness is ~ when you realize that you can't call her anymore, share things with her or see her smile- ever again.  I love and miss you my beautiful grandma. ~